God has a way…
…of hearing the words of your heart and giving them to you when you least expect it.
I’m going to take things in a little different way for this entry, a sidebar if you will. I don’t want to be THAT GIRL who blabs all the time about how great of a boyfriend she has and how life is so grand. Let me tell you, besides the fact I have an amazing guy in my life and job security…the rest of my life is somewhat in shambles around me. Not to mention the fact that I am indeed in love with someone whose life is on the line every single day. That alone brings worries, fears, and intense stresses because along with this love comes a lot of uncertainty. But I feel the need to just express some things on my heart and mind.
Yesterday was a rough day for me. I’m emotional right now (estrogen can be a b***h sometimes) and I’m taking everything and turning it into a dramatic fiasco. So our lack of conversation yesterday turned into a giant ordeal in my head. It was lame. Not to mention it was just a stressful day. So I was hopeful for something better today. Well, it happened.
I just had a great chat with my soldier on Yahoo about where we see our lives 5,10, 20 years from now. I love stuff like that. It means all the more when you’re having it with the person you know, without a shadow of a doubt, you’ll be spending forever with.
I’ve been through many deep and personal struggles in my life that have made me who I am today. I lost my way a few years ago and got back on track. Gave certain areas of my life to God and focused on ME for a change. Making myself a better ME was all I was about. You hear all of these cliches like “It will happen when you least expect it” or “Take care of yourself first and the rest will fall into place.” All of these things are so very true. I even refused to believe them when I’d hear people say them to me. It would go in one ear and out the other. And if this blog does the same for you, that’s okay.
When I take a step outside myself, I feel like I’m standing on the top of this giant mountain, and beneath me are all the struggles of my past and the people who brought me down. I prayed my entire life for someone like I have now. I spent my time and energy on guys who were no good for me, yet I constantly tried to turn them into the right ones. I really thought it was impossible to have what I wanted. It makes it worse when you see your friends, aquaintances, etc. settling for less than they deserve also. (I find these friends become toxic to you later BTW) But, in this conversation today it truly, truly hit me that this man in front of me is what God has intended for me all along. It’s a crazy story. I wouldn’t have thought it would be him. I wouldn’t have thought I’d be ready for this now. But he’s here. I thank God every single day that He listened to the words of my heart and gave me everything I’ve ever dreamed of.
Is our life together going to be perfect? No. Are we in for some challenges? Yes. My writing this doesn’t mean I’ve lost all sense of reality and am living in fairy land. I realize that this blog is mostly read by military wives and girlfriends and I’ll have a message for you in a second. But to my readers who might need a little inspiration or a feeling that obtaining your dreams is real…here you go. When I let go and let God, it wasn’t easy…but He truly orchestrated things in my life to happen exactly how He had meant to all along. We can fight it and try to convince ourselves otherwise, but He listens. I hope everyone of you realizes your worth and to never, never settle for less than you deserve.
For my married and commited wives/girlfriends/etc., I don’t pretend to know what “The Life” is all about. I’m a newbie and still earning my star, but I read your blogs, I hear your stories, and I can understand some of the trials and tribulations this life can throw at you. I’ve been in the moments where you’ve lost all sense of self and just want to curl up in a ball and hide under the couch for a few days. I can’t imagine throwing kids into the mix and being strong for everyone. Hats off to all military parents! Just appreciate your soldier, your marine, etc. Realize that God put you in this situation, not because He wants to torture you, but because He loves you and knew you were strong enough to handle it. I’m a firm believer in yet another cliche, “God never gives you more than you can handle.” It’s hard. It’s tough. It’s not glamourous. (although some civi’s think it is!) It’s real. The times spent together after a long time alone make up for it all and sometimes yep, that’s even hard. But for me, the love I know my soldier has for me is far more than I could have ever asked for.
Love this life.