The Waiting Game
Yeah. You know the game. The one where oddly enough you haven’t heard from them in a while. Something doesn’t seem right and you start to worry. You tell yourself it’s probably nothing and he wouldn’t want you to get upset. But you just can’t stop your mind from wandering.
I’ve been so blessed during this deployment that FH has had readily available internet and telephone access, whenever he wants it. It has made a WORLD of a difference. I sometimes wonder if I would have rather had it now or when he goes for his next deployment. Odds are we won’t get as lucky as he was this time around. But, everything happens for a reason and him being able to communicate as much as he has, enabled us to form our foundation for our relationship. Good stuff.
I’ve rarely had those wait by the phone in a panic moments. You’re waiting for your Blackberry to alert you for a new e-mail or Facebook message. Every single time it goes off your heart skips a beat and you hope it’s him, but somewhere inside of you…you know you couldn’t be so lucky. You begin to get angry with anyone who wants to communicate you. They have no clue about this game you’re currently playing and the emotions running through your body. It amazes you that once you do tell them, they say something you deem completely ridiculous. “I’m sure you’ll hear something soon” or “That sucks. I’m sorry” sends you into an outrage.
You know these moments come with the territory. They could be busy. They could have a communications blackout. They could have power/internet issues. You fear the worst though or at least it sits in the back of your mind.
For those of us girlfriends or fiance’s, this game can be exceptionally nervewracking in a unique way. We aren’t on the notification list. We don’t have a marriage license and we don’t come from the same family tree. We are truly at the mercy of mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, or sibling to notify us. In some cases it’s just not fair. I know there is a reason behind this rule, but in our case…I know the FH would want me to be the one first notified. Not anyone from his family.
I think I’ve chewed all my fingernails down as far as they will go. This couldn’t come at a more worse time for us yet somehow inside of me, I foolishly knew this would happen. I hope I hear from him soon. The restless nights of 2 hour long sleep sessions aren’t going to last.
I just tell myself to turn to God, keep busy, pray, and remember to be strong. This is almost all over.