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Getting Real

January 21, 2010

Okay, on a side note…this outfit is pretty much the cutest thing I have ever seen in my life. I love the little combat boots on the feetsies. HAH. I think I will secretly buy one and stash it. Here’s the link if you want to check it out for yourself or someone you know: Camo Baby Outfit

Anyway, back to the real reason I’m writing…yep another baby blog. But this time, it’s not to really cry and worry about whether it will happen or not. Last night I had to have one of those “why do I have to bring this up?” talks with the hubs. You know, the kind where you have to discuss the “what if something happens to you” stuff.

Perhaps it was my monthly visitor making me overly emotional or perhaps it was just me being really tired of being apart from him. Maybe it’s just the fact we have so much ahead of us and so much work I have to start doing to prepare my body for mommyhood. None the less, I cried for a solid 45 min to an hour last night on the phone with hubs. He didn’t know I was crying the whole time. I’m pretty good at hiding it, not that I should. He caught on pretty quick and asked me what was wrong.

We talked about how he felt that I wanted a baby so badly that it made him feel I wanted it at any cost and almost as if I didn’t want him there. Completely not true. So, nervously I spoke up and mentioned what I had hoped I wouldn’t have to. My entire life I have dreamt of that moment with your husband by your side and the baby is plopped on your chest. That’s probably the one thing I look forward to most, besides seeing my husband with our baby for the first time. I had never thought in a million years I could face the possibility of birthing my child without my husband by my side. It’s certainly not the way I want it. So, I had to explain for him.

I want a child regardless of the circumstances, not because I’m desperate to be a mother…but because if something were to happen to him on his next deployment…I want to have that piece of him forever. I want to see OUR babies. I want to be a mom because my husband made me one and he gave me that gift. It pains me to think that he might miss out on “that moment” if I get pregnant before he deploys. I know it will be heartbreaking for him, but I explained to him that he has the ability to give me the greatest gift ever…the one I have longed for since I was a little girl. While it’s not ideal to have him absent, it’s better than it never happening at all. I know you can’t live your life by the “what-ifs” and that’s not what I’m doing. But, I’m getting real. After crying it out and cautiously but honestly telling him why I feel the way I do, he totally understood my fears.

It’s crazy how anything can happen to anyone at any time of day, yet for some reason…because we military spouses know what COULD happen…it changes a lot of things.

One Comment leave one →
  1. January 23, 2010 3:15 PM

    Dear friend,
    I enjoyed this post, and this part especially resonated with my heart: [I want a child regardless of the circumstances, not because I’m desperate to be a mother…but because if something were to happen to him on his next deployment…I want to have that piece of him forever.]
    I think that is such a real truth to us military gals. There is rarely that perfect “Dream period” that does not come with some adjustments, but I’m also learning to just go with the beautiful flow of life and follow my heart most of all. Sounds like you’re here too in this topic. I wish you and your sweetheart so much joy in whatever pkg comes your way! 😉 I’m honored to be here and to read your willingness to talk about such depth of conversations with your honey. I remember bringing up a conversation a month or so ago and it was so hard at first for it was such a new topic with the baby idea also and yet it was so freeing and it seemed to gift back to our relationship as well. I look forward to following your journey and encouraging you along the way however I can,.. 🙂 hugs, Jenn

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