Update on “Life”
It’s been…interesting. Not working is really annoying for me. I always pegged myself as a working mom type, never really interested in staying at home. While I’m not a mother, I still don’t like being at home all day. I’ve applied for several positions on post for volunteer work to keep me busy and offer a hand while I can. One person called me back but I felt they weren’t really all that professional in their handling of the phone call, so I declined. It was kinda strange. Anyway, hopefully soon I’ll be able to at least start doing that. We are on a strict budget since he is the only one working so there isn’t really the opportunity to go on excursions with other wives or have lunch dates with friends. I’m planning on checking out one of the local city gyms tomorrow to start getting in a gym routine.
I have to be honest, I greatly dislike it here. Okay borderline hate is more like it. We’ve had cops in our apartment complex twice in one week. Our neighbors are inconsiderate and trashy for the most part. Ever stop and think that screaming and honking your horns for fun at 2am isn’t exactly appropriate? Our doorknob fell off our front door today. Our mailbox lock is constantly broken. We’ve had mail lost/stolen. Our apartment sucks. I know it ain’t the Ritz Carlton here, but geez. There is NOTHING here. I miss a normal, clean grocery store. Something just doesn’t feel right about HEB. Sure, the commissary is great…but even that has a bizarre feel to me. Texas in general just has a depressing vibe to it. Maybe it’s just me. I’m already counting down the days until I can get out of here. In a way, I dont want that day to come because that means deployment…but I just hate it here so much, I can’t wait to get out.
Hubs & I got our first BFP, which in the TTC (trying to conceive) community means a BIG FAT POSITIVE. I was going to be a mom. This was Friday. Sunday, that was taken away from us. I had a miscarriage in the early morning of March 21st, 2 days before my bday. I spent all morning in the ER in excruciating pain both physical and mental. The grief I carry eases as the days go by, but I’m sad for what could have been. I immediately became attached to what was growing inside of me. Protective. Hubs was SO excited. I’ll never forget him kneeling on the floor and talking to my tummy for a good 5 minutes. It was incredible.
I’m pissed with the absolute LACK of quality healthcare here. That’s an entirely different rant. None the less, to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist, we have to do a 5 hour round trip drive to Dallas. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Where do I live on a polar ice cap in Antartica? While I was PG, I was already looking into birthing centers and midwives. We have ONE birthing center with not good ratings and a handful of midwives. Obviously none covered by TRICARE standard. FML. That’s def something I never thought would be an issue here.
I start working part-time in May. I’ll be nannying for a newborn and at first, I wasn’t sure how it would feel because of my MC. I know I’m strong enough and I’ll be fine. I’ll be making fantastic money which I’m super thankful for. I’m tired of being basically strapped and sitting around all day. Eventually, I’ll be full-time with them…sometime around June 1st.
So even though this sounds like one big MY LIFE SUCKS rant….it’s not. I get that living here isn’t about me. It’s about the sacrifice. We’ve just had a snowball affect of issues the past few weeks that have made life here so much more difficult for me. The MC really was the icing on the cake. I’m hopeful things will get better when I start working. I know I’ll never love this place, but I have to try to learn to tolerate it.